HOLDING ON Read online

  HOLDING ON

  KIKI MALONE

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

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  Copyright © 2019 by KiKi Malone

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  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or used in any manner without written permission of the copyright owner except for the use of quotations in a book review. For more information, address: [email protected]

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  First paperback Edition August 2019

  Ebook Edition August 2019

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  Cover Design: Just Write Creations

  Editor: Miss K Edits

  Formatting: Heartstrings Inc

  Proofreaders: Melissa Brannon and Michelle Trelford

  CONTENTS

  Part I

  1. Carter

  2. Carter

  3. Carter

  4. Carter

  5. Carter

  6. Carter

  7. Carter

  8. Carter

  Part II

  9. Carter

  10. Elizabeth

  11. Elizabeth

  12. Carter

  13. Elizabeth

  14. Carter

  15. Carter

  16. Carter

  17. Carter

  18. Elizabeth

  19. Elizabeth

  20. Carter

  21. Elizabeth

  22. Elizabeth

  23. Carter

  24. Carter

  25. Elizabeth

  26. Carter

  27. Elizabeth

  28. Elizabeth

  29. Carter

  30. Elizabeth

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  DEDICATION

  Friends are the family we get to choose…

  This is for you…

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  PART ONE

  CHAPTER ONE

  CARTER

  HAPPY SURPRISES?

  4 YEARS EARLIER

  ON MY WAY home from work, I’m smiling even though I’m not sure why. I know it was a good day in the office, but there’s more to it than that. There’s no real explanation for this exhilaration. I just wish I knew the reason. Maybe my heart is happy, and my soul is screaming out to celebrate.

  Thinking about celebrating, I decide to make a quick stop at the store on the way home. Maggie will be at the house when I get there; she called me earlier and told me we needed to talk. I want to pick up some flowers for her to make her day as bright as mine. I’ll probably grab a bottle of that wine she likes so much too. I’m not sure what she wants to talk about, but I have a feeling it’s going to be a good chat. I’m even more excited now and I can’t wait to get home. When Maggie and I are together, things are great, but after a couple glasses of her favorite wine the temperature rises quickly and it gets steamy. I’m looking forward to us get happier together tonight, if you get my drift.

  Walking into the flower shop, I spot a big bouquet of pink lilies and roses. All the flowers are at full bloom, which is unusual for this time of year. They’re perfect, and she will love them. After I pay the clerk, I walk next door to the liquor store, to pick up a bottle of Rosé, Maggie’s favorite. I’m thankful to buy it pre-chilled because, truthfully, who wants to wait for it to get cold enough to drink? Not me. I want to walk in the house, pop the cork and get on with enjoying the rest of this day with some wine. Delayed gratification is overrated, at least where my beverages are concerned, but there are some other areas where, I enjoy it much more.

  When I get back in the car, I take the little key off my keyring before reaching over to open the glovebox. I open the secret compartment and pull out the Tiffany box that has been hidden in there for a few weeks. I think tonight is the night. It’s time for Maggie and me to take our relationship to the next level. We’ve been together for over a year and I’m positive this is where I want our journey to go next. I’m ready to start the family that I’ve always wanted and know in my heart, that now is the time. There’s no doubt in my mind that Maggie will say yes. She loves the life I give her and never having to work. Hell, she’s already carrying a black card, but we’ve been together long enough that I can’t see her not being giddy about this.

  Pulling into my driveway, I notice Maggie’s car parked awkwardly. It’s like she rushed in and just didn’t care that her front tires were on my lawn. That irks me a little. I like everything well-maintained, and now I’ll have tire marks imbedded in my grass. It’s not normal for her to be so careless. She likes things as neat and tidy as I do. She may actually be a little pickier than I am when it comes to some things. The flower garden is all her and looks like little flower soldiers all lined up in a row. They’re not allowed to grow crooked. If they do, she’ll tie them to a stick to train them to grow straight or get angry and yank them out of the dirt to plant something else.

  I shake my head to clear it a little and remind myself that I’m still in a great mood. I’m not letting this get in the way. We have celebrating to do this evening. That is, after she hears my proposal and says yes. Maybe she was just in a rush to get into the house to surprise me, like she often likes to do.

  There’s nothing like walking into my home to find my beautiful girlfriend splayed across the table covered in nothing but a chocolate sundae. Oh, the memories of that day. I licked her clean, only to dirty her up all over again. There were no complaints about the messes that day.

  Opening my front door, I hear muffled sounds coming from the kitchen. I’m assuming Maggie is on the phone with one of her girlfriends, so I take off my jacket, hang it in the closet and put my keys and wallet on the table by the door. I note that Maggie’s aren’t there; she usually leaves everything where I do. Again, we have a routine. She may not live here, but she has the same routines as I do when we walk into each other’s homes.

  I may just be jumping to conclusions when there may be a reason she didn’t notice what she’d done. My mood is quickly shifting and I’m not happy about it.

  I enter the kitchen, still hoping to see my girlfriend splayed out on the table again, only to find her sitting in a chair with her head down, her long blonde hair and her hands covering her face. I can hear the low whimpers of her cries. Her shoulders are shaking with her sobs, and now my good mood has shifted into one of deep concern.

  I immediately place the flowers and the wine on the counter before dropping to my knees in front of her. I gently grasp her chin and turn her face up to look into mine. What I see in her eyes breaks my heart. Her emerald eyes, usually filled with laughter and light, are red and puffy from crying. This isn’t normal for Maggie. As a matter of fact, the entire year and a half we’ve been together, I’ve never seen her cry. She’s always been so happy and full of light, even though she has moments where she can be aloof. What I’m seeing now is gloom and doom and I’ll do anything to make it right for her.

  Wiping the tears from her cheeks and under her eyes, I gently lay a kiss to her thin lips.

  “What’s wrong, love?” I calmly inquire, continuing to wipe her tears.

  “I can’t believe this happened,” she states. “I never planned this; we have to take care of this right away, Carter! This can’t happen. Not to me. Never to me.” She’s sobbing now, her shoulders heaving up and down as she tries to catch her breath.

  I don’t understand what she’s talking about, but still try to assure her that I’ll take care of whatever it is that happened to hurt her so deeply. I never want to see her unhappy like this. It’s beginning to break my heart.

  “Don’t you unders
tand, you just can’t say you’ll take care of it,” she cries. “This is your fault, I never planned for this! You did this to me, you have to make it go away!”

  She’s getting louder now, screaming at me. She’s borderline hysterical and I don’t understand what I’ve done to upset her. But you can be damned sure, I’m going to do everything in my power to make it right. I’ve given this woman everything her heart desires and this is no different.

  She should know that by now. Hell, I bought her that lavish apartment she insisted she needed, so that she wouldn’t have to worry about rent anymore. I wanted her to just take the leap and move in with me, but she told me that she didn’t want to live with someone she wasn’t married to. It just wasn’t right. The fact that we’ve been sexually active since the day we met never seemed to be an issue for her, so never understood her issues over cohabitating.

  So, I did what I thought was right and bought her a condo. It’s a beautiful space, if I’m being honest. If I didn’t plan to have a big family one day, I would’ve bought myself something similar. However, I decided a while back that I no longer wanted to rent and the time was right for me to purchase a house. I wanted the place that I bought to be more than just a house. I wanted it to be the setting for my future as well.

  My house is large, it has five bedrooms and three full baths. The master bedroom alone is five hundred square feet with a full bathroom suite. I love it here and can’t wait to start my family with Maggie. There are three bedrooms dedicated to the children I hope to have some day. There’s a guest suite complete with its own bathroom where family and friends could stay should they want to spend a night or longer. Hell, I don’t care. I love having my friends and family close to me.

  Maggie looks at me with something akin to anger in her eyes that tells me somehow I’m the one to blame.

  “Tell me, love, what is it that I’ve done?” I ask, hoping my initial assessment is correct. “I’ll do whatever you need, you just have to tell me what I’ve done to hurt you so deeply.”

  “How could you not know?” she screams again. Spittle is flying out of her mouth, she’s so angry. “You told me we were safe, you always said we were safe, I believed you! I never wanted to believe you’d go behind my back and do this to me! You’ve always wanted this. I know you did it on purpose! This is all your fault!”

  She keeps going on and on about whatever it is that is wrong and how I am the cause and still, I can’t figure out what it could be. We do live a safe life. I’m financially secure, I have no known enemies. How can she feel that she’s not safe?

  Now I’m starting to get frustrated and the concern I felt earlier has escalated into something akin to fear. I can’t imagine how Maggie wouldn’t feel safe with me. Did something happen where she lives? Something around her apartment building?

  “What’s happened Maggie?” I ask, again. “Did something happen at your building, is it not safe to be there anymore? Tell me, I need to know. I’ll hire a new security team for the building, I’ll do anything you need. But you need to tell me what happened first. Let me call Mikael, he’ll know what to do.”

  Mikael Rufus is my longtime best friend and runs a security firm. He’ll be able to help with anything safety related. He knows how much Maggie means to me, and he’d do anything to keep her just as safe as I would. Yes, I want Maggie to move here with me, but I wouldn’t do anything just to force her hand. I know I said I wanted to propose tonight and was hoping deep down she’d finally decide to move in, but I want her to make that decision on her own, not because she feels forced because she doesn’t feel safe in the apartment I purchased just for her.

  “Just one phone call and Mikael will make sure you feel safe again,” I continue. “I’m just going to need some details to give him. I need you to calm down a little bit, sweetheart and tell me what the issue is.”

  I get up to grab my phone that I dropped on the counter with the flowers and wine, but Maggie stops me, grabbing my arm with a vise-like grip.

  “It’s not fucking security or anything to do with my apartment, you asshole!” she screams at me. “You fucking implanted this thing in my stomach, and I want it out! I can’t believe I’m pregnant, but you did this! You tricked me into getting pregnant, and now you have to help me get rid of it! You better fix this fast!”

  My jaw drops at her statement.

  Wait a minute. What is that she just said? Is she having a baby? My baby? Are my ears deceiving me? There’s no way she said what I thought she said. Did she really say it? Did she really say we’re having a baby?

  This is a little sooner than I imagined starting our family, but now I know I was right when I decided to propose tonight. My heart and soul must’ve known this was coming. This is probably why I felt so elated when I left the office today. This is why, in my heart, I knew today was the day. This is it. The time is now. It’s perfect.

  I’m grinning from ear to ear as I pull Maggie up to my chest and hold her tightly to me. The happiness I feel so deep down to my soul right now is more than I imagined would happen today. I want some of my happiness to seep out of my pores and straight into Maggie. There’s no reason for her to be sad. Maybe she thought I wouldn’t be happy and that’s why she’s upset. But she’s wrong, this is a happy occasion. I need to erase her tears and her fears.

  “No worries, love,” I tell her, holding her tightly to my chest. “I’m ready for this. We’re ready for this. We can start our family now. As a matter of fact, there’s something I wanted to ask you tonight.”

  “Family?” she yells as she rips herself out of my arms. “What the fuck are you talking about, Carter? I never wanted to have a family! I knew you did this on purpose. Hell, you probably ripped your condom off in the middle of us fucking just to make sure this happened!”

  She begins to pace back and forth in front of me and continues on, “You’re so good at fucking that I probably never realized you were pulling out of me to take it off! Now, I’m sure this is all your fault! You always droned on about how you wanted to be a father one day and have a huge family. You never asked me what I wanted. You just assumed.”

  She’s grabbing at her hair, pulling tightly on the strands. “Well, newsflash, Carter, I never, ever want to be a mother,” she yells at a pitch I didn’t know she could reach. “I thought you knew that since I never put myself in your family scenarios whenever you’d go on and on about those dreams of yours. How could you do this to me?”

  All the happiness I felt just a moment ago vanishes with her words. I had no idea she felt this way. What does she mean she never wanted to be a mother? I’ve always told her my dreams of having a large family. If she’s never wanted that, why would she pursue a long-term relationship with me? My heart is breaking and I don’t know where I could even start to fix this situation

  Somehow, I have to convince her that things will all be okay. Maybe once she gets used to the idea of being pregnant, she’ll start realizing she was meant to be a mother. I have to help her see that this is a blessing and not a curse that we need to get rid of. She can’t kill my baby. This baby is a godsend. Whether she sees it now or not, I’m sure she’ll see it soon enough. She’s just got to give this a chance.

  “Maggie, my love, please calm down,” I tell her as I guide her back to the chair she was sitting in. “We need to think rationally here. Let’s sit down and talk about this. You may be upset right now, but truly this is a blessing. I’d never trick you or remove a condom when we make love. This is a surprise gift for us both. Yeah, maybe it’s sooner than we expected, but I’ve always wanted a family and you knew this. Maybe you wanted the same and that’s why you never ran for the hills when I’ve talked about the family I saw in our future.” I tell her as calmly as possible. I feel like I need to tame a rabid animal instead of enjoying this news with the mother of my unborn child. Shit, I’m going to be a father.

  “There is no talking, Carter!” she yells again as she stands, knocking the chair to the floor with how abrupt she i
s. “I’m not ruining my body so that your demon seed can grow inside of me! I definitely DO NOT want children. Which is why I made the appointment with my doctor to ensure I could never get pregnant accidently, but instead she told me it was too late. I am already fucking pregnant. How could you do this to me? I work so hard to keep this perfection, which you so enjoy.”

  As she goes on, she’s pointing to the amazing parts of her body that I do enjoy.

  “Look at these boobs, Carter,” she says, as she palms each one in her hands. My hands are feeling quite jealous that they are not the ones holding them. Her breasts are perfect, not too large, but not small by any means. “I read that after having kids, they get saggy. I don’t want them to sag, I want them to stay perky.”